Walk With Me

(These trees remind me of the Hundred Acre Wood from Winnie the Pooh)

It’s a beautiful day today. Blue sky and puffy clouds. After TTB woke from his first nap I bundled him into the pushchair and told him that today we were going OUT. Ahhh it was so lovely to be out in the sunshine! We took a stroll down to the park, stopping at the bridge to show him ducks for the first time. Ducks! He was fascinated. (I wish bread wasn’t bad for ducks, I was looking forward to feeding the ducks with him!) We walked along through the park and I saw a family playing on the playground. Not many months until that’s us, although I’m sure we can pop him in a baby swing soon. I wonder what he will think of that. The sun on my legs was warm and I can’t remember the last time I felt happy about that, the last hot weather was in my last stages of being massive and pregnant and I did NOT enjoy the heat then!

The birds were singing and again I realised that the birdy voices had been missing for a while. They too sounded delighted at the spring like weather. The trees stood out against the vibrant blue of the sky and although their branches are bare, the slightest hint of new buds is in evidence. I have to walk to the side of the pram to keep the sunshine from TTB’s eyes, changing to the other side when we take the “quick route” across the park rather than up to the top and around. I can’t help myself from looking up, up, up as I walk along – I feel like I’m basking in the sunlight and nobody is going to stop me. Spring always feels like waking up after a long sleep and each year I am surprised that I have forgotten just how lovely it is to have blue sky, dry ground, warm sunshine and more colour in the world. I know that it’s not quite spring yet but it’s coming! There are tiny daffodil plants growing in the small patch of woodland, not yet flowering like the ones planted in the pots at the top of the steps. I stop at the top and turn around to see the view across the park, the fields, the hills and look at the way the hills fade into the distance.

We walk on into the town. TTB falls asleep (clutching his elephant toy) so I stop to tilt the pushchair flat for him. The Big House that I like has sold and I pass it feeling a little wistful. (I love “fantasy house” shopping.) In town I stop to watch the old offices be demolished (because I can never resist watching destruction like that) and then stop at the market: new potatoes, cherry tomatoes, asparagus, cucumber, 3 clementines with leaves on, a pot of tete a tetes and a primula.

Since coming home I’ve been looking out of the kitchen window at our beautiful view and just feeling so happy that we live where we do. It’s taken a while to really feel like home (mainly because of the house type problems), but it really does now.

Can you believe …

Can you believe that my little tiny baby boy is less than one pound away from doubling his birth weight? I’m so proud of myself that I have fed him myself all the way through. At the start I really didn’t think I would be able to do it. The reason I say this is that it hit me just now that I’m sat in the very same chair as when I was despairing and feeling like I’d never be able to do it and now … now TTB is tucked up in bed and has been since about 7:15, and I am totally chilled out about feeding him. He feeds a lot, every 2 or so hours around the clock, but I’ve made my peace with that. It’s all good.

Tonight, I gave him a banana. He was so excited by it! It got a bit slippery and all of a sudden ended up two meters away behind him in the door way but I had more success with the other half which I split into thirds. Nom nom. I hadn’t planned to start weaning for another 10 days (at 24 weeks) but it just sort of happened as I find a lot of my parenting milestones have done.

I often find myself torn between feeling “Waaaah he is growing very quickly and he is not a tiny newborn anymore” and feeling so full, happy and proud of how he is growing and how we are progressing together. He is such a wonderful boy and a perfect companion and we really enjoy our days together (banshee shrieking aside). I don’t feel sad that he is growing, really, because growing is GOOD and there is so much to look forward to that feeling sad is just pointless. The key is to value and appreciate every minute, in my opinion.

And it is with those thoughts that I realise how much growing have done …

(EDIT: that’s a little pep talk to myself to remind me to not feel sad, I’m not saying that anyone else feeling sad that their babies have grown up is pointless. I’m just reminding myself not to wallow about the fact he is no longer a newborn – I did this at the start and it wasn’t healthy!)