Thank You

I am never quite sure how to say thank you to you on here. The words “Thank you” always look very small on my screen and I worry that they don’t really convey just how much I mean them. But I do. Mean them that is.

It would seem that sharing is a good thing then … I certainly felt better after writing about it and I felt better as well after talking it through with my midwife. I feel hugely better after reading through your comments and experiences and I am so pleased that my post has actually helped some people too. Thank you for sharing them with me. I would like to write back to all of you really, unfortunately my small shouty person doesn’t allow me as much keyboard time as I have become accustomed to. (Even when feeding he is trying to get in on the act! Sometimes he even gets his hand on the touchpad and manages to move the cursor!) Hello to the local people who read my blog that I didn’t realise read it too ;-)

On Thursday I made myself go out and we went to a baby & toddler group in the church hall which I was hugely proud of myself for doing. It was (loud and chaotic as toddlers are!) really good and I spoke to some people and got some more info on other groups to go to as well and indeed went to one on Friday which was much smaller and just for babies – really lovely. It’s a relief to go somewhere where you can talk about your baby to people who also want to talk about their baby and will listen to you talk about yours, and it’s ok to feed your baby and nobody minds if your baby cries. And there were biscuits and that’s always good too.

I’m a bit funny about meeting people I think. I always get an attack of the shyness beforehand and think “waaah I’m far too scared to go and meet people, I’m not sociable enough and  I’m too scared to talk to anyone!” but in reality I usually find that I’m not scared and I just get on with things. How I think of myself in my head is different from the reality and I’m better than I think I am at it. I think it’s TTB really, going into a hall full of toddlers and older babies with a seven week old baby (admittedly quite a large one) is quite an ice breaker. Besides, now I have something in common with the other people there (a baby) and I don’t feel as inadequate as I usually do as a result.

So yes … sharing is good, and so is getting out to meet people. I want to send you all a big hug as well *************hug************* for being so supportive to me, I’ve really needed it and think I would probably have snapped long before now if I hadn’t had this blog and the lovely people who read it.

xxxxxx

23 thoughts on “Thank You

  1. Well done Heather for going to the baby groups. I think we’re all shy in our heads but then find, like you did, that it wasn’t so bad after all. Keep on being good to yourself – biscuits are always good!

  2. Glad you were able to get out and join in with other mothers. I agree about the shyness, I find myself holding back when in groups. But you did the right thing and I think you will enjoy these groups even more as TTB gets older. Give yourself some big hugs from me.

    Hugs,
    Sharon

  3. I wanted to comment on your last post, but my small shouty person was being a small shouty person lol… Anyway I wanted to say how awsome your openness and honesty is and how brave you are to lay your soul so bare.
    I’ve been lucky and escaped the baby blues, but having had depression previously I know how much it ment when other people shared their stories with me because it ment I wasnt as alone as I felt, it normalised my illness and I will be forever thankful to those special people. I’m sure your last post will be a lifeline for many people.
    As for the baby group they rock! I learn so much from other momas its fab!xxx

  4. Heather I am so pleased that you found the courage to go to not one but two baby/toddler groups. The one I used to go to was a life saver for me. Not only do you get to talk about babies but as they start to toddle around and try out the toys you get to have the odd short non baby conversation which is also good.

    Much as I loved my babies and enjoyed being a stay at home until they were both at school, I did need to talk to some adults as well.

    I am sure that you will feel so much better now and will enjoy your time with TTB and the baby/toddler groups. TTB will love playing with different toys and mixing with others when he is older and can walk.

    You should not feel inadequate. I can imagine the mothers drawling over TTB’s crocheted blankets and they will be very impressed with your talent as we all are here.

  5. Glad you are managing to get out and about, and meet new people, babies are great ice-breakers, as are dogs! (I’ll swear my Mum knows more people in our village than I do just from walking her dog when she comes to visit). TTB is obviously an early adopter of technology, just think how adept he will be when he starts school! And well done for being able to admit how you feel, share it here to help others, and more importantly get yourself some help from the right people.

  6. Dear Heather good for you! Just think about all the new friends you will be making along the way. And of course you could offer to teach them how to crochet!! Have a lovely week.

  7. Thank you for sharing your experience. When I read your last post it really took me back to my first birth and my feelings afterwards. My husband phoned the midwife because I couldn’t stop crying. I also had a midwife come round to through my birth notes – though I didn’t find this very helpful. In hindsight sharing with others might have helped – I didn’t talk to my NCT group mums because they all seemed to have had good births – I felt like I’d failed – and I didn’t want people knowing I’d been to see a psychiatrist – also didn’t help – they just told me I didn’t have postnatal depression.
    I had an incredibly painful back to back labour – I didn’t feel my pain was acknowledged – the first midwife I saw said ‘it’s called labour for a reason, it’s meant to hurt’ and sent me home as I was only 2cm. When I went back in a few hours later the pain was so bad I could only communicate through my husband, I don’t remember the midwives at all – and they seemed very reluctant to give me any pain relief. To me it is still the worst day of my life – I hope never to experience that pain again. I think it was an awful way to start motherhood.
    The good news is that I have gone on to have two further children both relatively straight forward births. My second birth I used only gas and air and felt in control of what was going on – I also was able to see that the pain I experienced the first time was not normal!
    THank you again for raising this issue.

  8. Thank you for sharing your experience. When I read your last post it really took me back to my first birth and my feelings afterwards. My husband phoned the midwife because I couldn\’t stop crying. I also had a midwife come round to through my birth notes – though I didn\’t find this very helpful. In hindsight sharing with others might have helped – I didn\’t talk to my NCT group mums because they all seemed to have had good births – I felt like I\’d failed – and I didn\’t want people knowing I\’d been to see a psychiatrist – also didn\’t help – they just told me I didn\’t have postnatal depression.
    I had an incredibly painful back to back labour – I didn\’t feel my pain was acknowledged – the first midwife I saw said \’it\’s called labour for a reason, it\’s meant to hurt\’ and sent me home as I was only 2cm. When I went back in a few hours later the pain was so bad I could only communicate through my husband, I don\’t remember the midwives at all – and they seemed very reluctant to give me any pain relief. To me it is still the worst day of my life – I hope never to experience that pain again. I think it was an awful way to start motherhood.
    The good news is that I have gone on to have two further children both relatively straight forward births. My second birth I used only gas and air and felt in control of what was going on – I also was able to see that the pain I experienced the first time was not normal!
    THank you again for raising this issue.

  9. Dear Heather, I’m so glad everyone has been able to reassure you. Get out to those mums groups, you may not find everyone is the one for you but you will find your place and love it, there is nothing like other mums that have been there and done that to help! Take care. xxBrenda

  10. Yay! You did it!! Well done, a baby group and a toddler group at 7 weeks, that’s fantastic! I’m so pleased for you.Heather, it really will make the world of difference for you. God bless xxxxx

  11. Mum and baby groups are fab
    And it was getting involved in one at my local family centre that helped me when I was stuffing from(as then) undiagnosed PND
    It is sometimes just a bit of adult conversation and a chance to share experiences that helps
    Especially when you hear that others have a rough time too :)

  12. Well done! Wish we could like other people’s comments…keep going new and lifelong friendships will form for you and TTB…..you will also be able to crochet when he starts to play with the other babies!

  13. A huge well done on getting out! :) Don’t worry if you don’t though, groups weren’t for me and I felt terribly guilty at the time. My son is a sociable little man now as it just seems to flow, parenting is hard; massively rewarding, but hard. I felt like I had to pretend I loved every minute and found it all a breeze, when in fact, I struggled desperately. You’re doing an awesome job, and TTB is lucky enough to have you as mummy xxx

  14. Good girl! Well done that you finally decided to join other moms and their babies. I can only agree that this is the best thing to do. You can talk about baby stuff and mom stuff endlessly. It helps to see that other people have the same problems and sometimes you get an interesting idea how to deal with these problems.
    Keep talking about your feelings. This was very useful for me too, when being in a crisis as a “new” mom.
    And by the way motherhood and babies seem to behave identically all over Europe or even the world. I always have to smile when I read about your observations of TTB because my little shouty person (Mr.T) is soooooo similar e.g. crying exactly the moment you settle down to start to eat. Funny.

    xxx

  15. Good girl! Well done that you finally decided to join other moms and their babies. I can only agree that this is the best thing to do. You can talk about baby stuff and mom stuff endlessly. It helps to see that other people have the same problems and sometimes you get an interesting idea how to deal with these problems.
    Keep talking about your feelings. This was very useful for me too, when being in a crisis as a \"new\" mom.
    And by the way motherhood and babies seem to behave identically all over Europe or even the world. I always have to smile when I read about your observations of TTB because my little shouty person (Mr.T) is soooooo similar e.g. crying exactly the moment you settle down to start to eat. Funny.

    xxx

  16. So glad that your post helped and you’ve managed to get out and about. Do try and keep it up – some of the people you meet now will help you for a little while and some will become lifelong friends.

    Sending ((((hugs))))

    S x

  17. Dear Heather, you sound so much better and I am so pleased. Also pleased that all the love showered in your direction has helped. To go to a group takes courage, well done, but so worthwhile. Keep talking – bottled-up feelings have a nasty tendency to burst out eventually! And don’t ever feel inadequate – you spread happiness, colour and inspiration round the world – how many people can say that! and you are clearly a terrific Mum xxx
    lots of love
    xxx

  18. Dear Heather, you sound so much better and I am so pleased. Also pleased that all the love showered in your direction has helped. To go to a group takes courage, well done, but so worthwhile. Keep talking – bottled-up feelings have a nasty tendency to burst out eventually! And don\’t ever feel inadequate – you spread happiness, colour and inspiration round the world – how many people can say that! and you are clearly a terrific Mum xxx
    lots of love
    xxx

  19. Ooh, look at that cute little hand there, just waiting for a kiss. I am a great believer in sharing ones experiences, because when you do you always help someone else. I went to a mum and baby playgroup a few times but they were all so clicky and not very welcoming that I didn’t bother going back. You girls in the UK seem to be so much nicer, I love so much about the UK I can’t even begin to tell you.
    Happy days Heather xox Sandi

  20. Well done you! It’s a HUGE step going to that first group thing but now you’ve done it, there’ll be no stopping you, I promise. You will make sooooooo many good friends now you have a little one and these will be friends that will stay with you for the rest of your life while your children grow up together! You’ll have your good days and your bad but when you know there’s another mom just down the road that will understand, it will be a God send to be able to say ‘Hey, I need a cuppa! Join me?’ and she will! I used to go to Kindermusik with my little one in the UK so check it out in your area cos it was such fun and he loved it! What about baby swimming classes? It’s so good for them and they LOVE it – mine used to fall asleep in my arms in the water!!!! Thank you so much for blogging about your experiences as a new mom, it’s really bringing back so many memories for me……♥

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